I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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