Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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