It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
