Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
