Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
