Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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