no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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