can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
