K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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