At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
