Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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