i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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