Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
