He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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