I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
