So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
