im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
