My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
