barbara walters just said penis...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
