Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize