I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
