I'm really into asian looking animals
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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