Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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