you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
