Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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