Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
ok first of all what the fuck
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