It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
