that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
