can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
