I saw his package. It spoke to me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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