No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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