i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
