Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
