i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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