operation have a gay friend backfired
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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