all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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