i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
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