I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
