Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
