I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
