so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
