I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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