dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
