I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
