i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
