so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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