I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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