I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
