I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
