Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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