I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
