i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
