Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When are your genitals available?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
