I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
