Pappa wants mamma naked
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize