He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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