you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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