You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
