Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I need water and some morals
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
