UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
