I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
