a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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