Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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