I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
