he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He did a backflip because drugs
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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