How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
