I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
