how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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