your room smells of hookers.
And success
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
