well I can't set my house on fire every night
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No subtext here. People are naked.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
