I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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