i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
