dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
