Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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