12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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