my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Two words: blizzard sex
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
