I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
