I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize