we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
