DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
