I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
