I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
