Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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