sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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