is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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