thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
