Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
