I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
