I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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