and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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