Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
