I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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