why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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