You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
