Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
