I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
