How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He did a backflip because drugs
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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