I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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