If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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