why didn't you poke me back
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize