found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
